apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
