And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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