I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
