i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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