we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
