Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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