Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
