Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
