Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
