Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
