drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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