Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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