yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
