He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
