You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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