my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
