I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
