Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
well you can't waste a boner
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
