I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just threw up on my dentist
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
