it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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