Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You've changed since you got that strap on
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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