Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
