i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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