didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
