your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
