ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
