: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
