I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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