I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
