I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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