you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
