Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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