the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
