My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
birth control should be required to get into college
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Randomize
