News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
