it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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