I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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