i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
