the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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