You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
