before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sorry my hands just texted you
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
