just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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