He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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