Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As shirtless as possible
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You ate ashes out of my bong
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
