Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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