I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
