eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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