Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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