The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
