took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
